ithildin
01 June 2015 @ 06:31 pm
Checking In  
Just popping in to let you know I'm around, just not very 'present' online these days. It's hard to believe it has been six weeks sine my father died. I still go to take him down a cup of tea in the morning, before stopping myself. The Disneyland 60th Anniversary adverts are probably the thing that get to me. One of the last conversations I had with him, was about him and his family going to Disneyland the year it opened. And he told me I could have the photo. I realized after that he died almost a year to the day Tammy died. And it was the day before Nin and I were going to Disneyland. So Disneyland seems to be racking up connections to death. Yes, these are the place my brain goes to these days. Wish it would go towards writing, but I'm still without any signs of my muse. That makes me sad, even though I can't do anything about it.

Summer has finally arrived. It hit 100 today after a very unusually mild May. My garden is growing, I actually spend a lot of time out there. And the apricots are ripe, so will probably spend next weekend making jam.

Nin and I have started watching The Mindy Project, this after starting -- and finishing -- six seasons of The Good Wife in marathon fashion. We've also been rewatching Buffy, and Ugly Betty. We watch a Mindy, a Betty, and a Buffy. Last night, I got to wondering about Mindy and Betty being slayers....
 
 
ithildin
05 May 2015 @ 07:47 pm
This, That, and Age of Ultron  
First off, thank you to everyone who left condolences -- I truly appreciate it. It's been a little over two weeks since my father died, and it only started to seem 'real' over the last few days.

So I did go on my planned vacation, and I'm glad I did. Being with friends really helped. We went on a sailing trip -- a three hour tour, for real -- went to the San Diego Zoo, and, of course, went to the midnight showing of Age of Ultron.

Spoilery bits.... )

I think I just did my first real post in a long time. Maybe writing will follow??
 
 
ithildin
22 April 2015 @ 05:57 pm
2015 can go away now....  
As some of you were aware, my father had been nearly an invalid for several years, our lives revolving around him not being able to be left alone, planning vacations in shifts, not even all of us able to go out to dinner together, etc.. About six weeks ago, he ended up in hospital, from there to a rehab facility, and then 4 short days under hospice care. He died on Sunday.

I'm taking the next two days as bereavement leave from work, and as chance would have it, my vacation was already scheduled to start Monday. Good chance, I think having a week to spend with friends is probably exactly the best thing.
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ithildin
17 February 2015 @ 06:28 pm
Frustrating  
We've lost control of our domain. Today, couldn't get email, out website was gone. t appears the company that always registered our domain for us is no more, after 18 odd years. When I did a whois, it says the registrar is some company I've never heard of. I've emailed that company to see what I need to do to get access back. But they're in Barcelona, so it'll be awhile till I hear, I'm sure. In the meantime, I've been switching notification emails to other addresses. But Dreamwidth, it appears, I've forgotten my password to, which means I can't change my email address. I've opened a support request, and hope I'll be able to prove I'm me. Keep your fingers crossed that this is resolved and I can have my domain back.
 
 
ithildin
17 February 2015 @ 06:07 pm
Long time, no see  
I know, I suck. I think about posting, bet never get around to it. What's new with you? I still read my f'list, and even attempt to comment occasionally.

Let's see.... haven't seen any movies lately, so that's out. TV? Anyone else looking at the Amazon pilots? We've watched a bunch, and some are quite good. We really liked Man In a High Castle -- excellent! Watched the first ep ob Bosche last night, and I think I'll watch more, but then, I've always had a fondness for Titus Welliver.

Survived the Disneyland Measles Outbreak 2014. Spent 21 days hoping I wasn't one of 3% who had vaccine failure. I wasn't!

Vala, our puppy, is very large now, and is going to be way more Border Collie than Black Lab.

Just downloaded the new Mavericks album, Mono. Can't wait to listen to it.

Still in writers block land.

Bought a bunch of seeds from Seed Savers Exchange and have been reading books on companion gardening. It's a project! Turning my yard into a couple raised beds as I've given up on grass until I can afford decent sod.

The apricot trees are in bloom. Smells wonderful outside.

Till later....
 
 
ithildin
06 January 2015 @ 07:42 pm
That didn't take long.....  
2015, off to a great start. My little Wolf, barely six months old, was diagnosed with FIP (I had to look it up)today, after not getting better from a respiratory infection he had. The vet said he might slip away in his sleep tonight, but if he doesn't, we have to bring him to have him put to sleep in the morning. I just spent two hours sitting on the floor, talking to him and stroking him. Then my brother got home and I had to break the news to him. I was there when he was born, cut his umbilical cord when mama was too worn out to do it herself. He's still so tiny.
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ithildin
02 January 2015 @ 07:10 pm
Holidays are hard  
This was the year we were going to bring Tammy out for Xmas. I couldn't stop thinking of that. What ifs, and what might have beens. New Year's Eve was particularly difficult. And I very much missed being near enough to friends in California so as not to feel so alone. I haven't really made friends here, and really, most of my friends have been internet born and bred, which doesn't make for close proximity. All in all, 2014 wasn't a great year. You always hope the new year will be better, but who knows?
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ithildin
31 December 2014 @ 02:38 pm
'It's Been A Long, Long Time' Part 5  
I've finally, after a nearly 7 month hiatus, posted Part Five of It's Been A Long, Long Time, to AO3. I'll try and do better in 2015.
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ithildin
25 December 2014 @ 02:48 pm
Fic of winter's past...  
Have not, as of yet, written my usual holiday inspired fic, and pretty sure at this point, it isn't happening. But here's a perennial favourite, the first story I ever posted, back in 1996, which also happened to be a Christmas tale. So please join Methos and is 'Uncle' LaCroix as they remember, A Ghost of Winter's Past

And for something more modern, last year's You May Not Pass This Way Again, featuring the Starks, Tony and Howard, along with Walt Disney and Clark Gable.
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ithildin
21 December 2014 @ 02:26 pm
Winter Check In  
Hope everyone is well!

I had that one writing spurt in November, then silence fell. Since then, we went to Disneyland for Nin's birthday, meeting up with Roberta, Casey, Jen and Dave. Fun was had and matching shirts were worn :D

Photographic Evidence )

What else is new? I have a new phone - my last one got zapped while I was recharging it -- it's a Motorola Droid Turbo, the only one available form Verizon on early edge since my contract isn't up till May.

Vala is growing like a weed, and definitely is more Border Collie that Lab as she grows.

Nin got me an Ancestry.com DNA test for my birthday, which was utterly fascinating when I got the results back. I finally did a paid Ancestry membership as well, after years of just the free one. Should have done it years ago! So much easier and so much information as you can look at other family trees and use that they've discovered already. I was zipping along, working on my paternal great grandmother and was flabbergasted to discover a direct line to the Plantagenets, and the Dukes of Burgundy. Till then, I'd been quite satisfied to discover an aunt who was a lady in waiting to Ann Boleyn :D On that line, I've made it back to 1000. I'm stuck on my mum's, both mother and father, not making it back much past 1700.

Saw Battle of the Five Armies, and while I did enjoy it, it seemed weaker than the first two, and several things aggravated me. But I will go see it again.

Our dryer broke, so we're back to putting things outside to dry. But I'd prefer that to the washer breaking [knocks wood]

Been very slowly preparing for Xmas, and I'm sure there's things I should be doing, but mostly just want to sit here. I did manage to make the filling for my Winter Fruit Tarts yesterday, and shelled nearly 3 lbs of pecans for Nin's Spiced Pecans.

Oh, finally saw the Racoon movie aka Guardians of the Galaxy. Rented it form Amazon. It was entertaining, though I fell asleep part way through. I woke in time for the end though. At least I know what the dancing tree thing is all about now. At some point I'll have to rerent it and try and stay awake through the whole thing.

Everyone have a great holiday season!
 
 
ithildin
12 November 2014 @ 05:46 pm
A little ficlet  
Attempting to start writing again, and this is the result:

Strange Women Lying in Ponds (and other things they never taught you in school)

It's set during the teaser scene from Avengers: Age of Ultron, that was released a few weeks back.

It's a start :)
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ithildin
26 October 2014 @ 04:42 pm
Hunger Games  
Read the Hunger Games books this week. I'd rented the movies, though I fell asleep part way through two - twice. Books weren't bad, though definitely not a cheery read. By the time you get to the end, you have the urge to get totally drunk and sing Disney tunes. Should make for a movie where you'll just want to cling to your friends after it's all over.

Speaking of Disney tunes -- the rendition of the song from Pinocchio on the Age of Ultron trailer is exquisitely creepy.
 
 
ithildin
05 October 2014 @ 05:50 pm
As the year stumbles to its end.....  
The icon is a nice snapshot of how I feel these days.

But let's try for something cheerful first.

We got a puppy. We adopted her three weeks ago, from Best Friends. Her name, now, is Vala, and she's a Black Lab/Border Collie mix. We went to an event in Hurricane, Dog Spectacular, and lots of rescues had dogs for adoption. We'd wanted a small to medium adult, but ended up with a large breed puppy. Go figure! Last week, there was an article at BFAS about her and her siblings. She's adorable, and way too smart. We're definitely going to have our hands full!

Photo at the cut...

Read more... )

I see it's time for Highlander Shortcuts again. I'd planned on participating this year again, but seeing as I haven;t written a word since Tammy died, I probably should refrain from signing up.

Tired of the constant feeling of anxiety, like I'm waiting for something terrible to happen. Throw in the news of the world, and I'm feeling in full doomsday mode. I wish my friends weren't all so far away. Would love to be able to actually touch them, you know?

Only new show I've watched this fall is Outlander, and it's already off till spring. Now that I don't have TV service anymore, I'm terribly unaware of what's supposed to be new and awesome. Probably just as well, it all gets canceled anyway!

Will try and not let it be another month before I post again.
 
 
ithildin
11 September 2014 @ 08:05 pm
It's Been a While  
Still here. But I'm still trying to recapture the art of putting words together, both in posts and in writing. I think about what I might write, like fog drifting in from the ocean, but fog can't be captured, it would seem, and the words never make it past my brain.

Love you all, and I miss you, though that's my fault, not yours.
 
 
ithildin
31 July 2014 @ 11:55 am
I Think I Broke a Mirror, or Something  
I'm ready for 2014 to be over.

Spent Saturday late afternoon and evening in the ER with my brother, Sunday night he was admitted and early Monday he had emergency surgery. Have spent most of my days and evenings at the hospital. Hopefully, he'll be able to come home by Saturday. When Nin and I have been home, we've been taking care of the orchard, chickens, veg garden, plus all the indoor varmints. We've averaged dinner at midnight the last few days. Absolutely pooped. Needless to say, I'm totally out of the loop as far as reading DW/LJ. About the only thing I've managed is to read Twitter and post a few 'around the hospital' photos to Instagram.
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ithildin
13 July 2014 @ 02:01 pm
Checking In  
I'm still around, just feel like I'm in a fishbowl, looking out, but not able to touch. We did go to SoCal for my birthday (early) to take advantage of the 4th being a paid holiday. Met up with Jen and Dave, did Disney, the beach (the ocean won.), and some very nice dinners. The whole day at the beach was a humourous disaster, but memorable. Had a lovely birthday dinner at Crystal Cove (there's a few sunset photos on my Instagram), but got emotionally overwhelmed after dinner thinking of Tammy and I ruined it for everyone. Sunday we had a quiet day at Disneyland - it was a blackout weekend for SoCal passes and it was divine! Pretty much walked on to the rides. Nin and I actually made it to midnight. We credit the pot of Jasmine tea we had late afternoon at Carthay Circle lounge in the California park. If there was a way to not have to drive thru the Mojave Desert, we'd go to SoCal more often in the summer. But the heat of the trip is unrelenting, and the car A/C really can't keep up.

My brother built me a pond/waterfall in my yard, which I love, monsoon season is well under way, though the storms keep skirting past us, and I can't wait till Autumn! This weekend kinda disappeared amongst not being able to sleep properly, pain, and just general mehness. I'd hoped to write, but the desire/ability seemed to disappear with Tammy's death. I guess we'll see what the next few months bring. I feel bad as I had two WIPs going great guns, then screeching halt.

I'll try and post more often. I am reading here, just, you know, fishbowl.
 
 
ithildin
16 June 2014 @ 06:53 pm
Keeps Keeping On  
Took a bad fall Saturday, twisted my foot, smashed my knee up. I'll live. Hurts a lot though. In the end, it's just one more thing to deal with. Still catch myself seeing 'For Rent' signs and thinking 'that might work for Tammy'. Then I remember she's dead. I try not to cry if people are around. Pretty sure everyone's tired of me by now. Haven't written a word, and have absolutely no desire to write. There's just nothing there to put on the page. All I really want to do is sleep, but can't even manage that properly either. Pretty sure in the dictionary next to the word 'fail' is a picture of me.
 
 
ithildin
08 June 2014 @ 12:46 pm
Sparrow  
We buried her last night, with a sapling I bought on Friday as her marker. It's called a London Plane Tree and it's supposed to be a fast growing shade tree. If it makes it, and grows, I'll always have a visible memory of my Sparrow cat.

I feel bad that her last days were spent at the vet, and all those tests, and $500 later, there was nothing to be done. She died only a few hours after the final visit, Nin coming home with meds and special foods and fluids that we never had a chance to use. If I'd known, I would have let her spend her last days in peace at home.

I have layers of grief that just overlap each other. When I took Sparrow out of the carrier she loved as a bed, and laid her on a fleecy blanket she liked, I just laid next to her on the floor and cried. It all got mixed up with my grief in losing Tammy. Burying her last night, was also twined up with Tammy, the lack of closure, the unexpectedness of her death. I like to think Sparrow took my love to Tammy in heaven and that Tammy has her in her lap with all of her kitties.
 
 
Music Box: The Other Side of Sorrow ~Alasdair Fraser & Skyedance