ithildin
31 July 2014 @ 11:55 am
I Think I Broke a Mirror, or Something  
I'm ready for 2014 to be over.

Spent Saturday late afternoon and evening in the ER with my brother, Sunday night he was admitted and early Monday he had emergency surgery. Have spent most of my days and evenings at the hospital. Hopefully, he'll be able to come home by Saturday. When Nin and I have been home, we've been taking care of the orchard, chickens, veg garden, plus all the indoor varmints. We've averaged dinner at midnight the last few days. Absolutely pooped. Needless to say, I'm totally out of the loop as far as reading DW/LJ. About the only thing I've managed is to read Twitter and post a few 'around the hospital' photos to Instagram.
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ithildin
13 July 2014 @ 02:01 pm
Checking In  
I'm still around, just feel like I'm in a fishbowl, looking out, but not able to touch. We did go to SoCal for my birthday (early) to take advantage of the 4th being a paid holiday. Met up with Jen and Dave, did Disney, the beach (the ocean won.), and some very nice dinners. The whole day at the beach was a humourous disaster, but memorable. Had a lovely birthday dinner at Crystal Cove (there's a few sunset photos on my Instagram), but got emotionally overwhelmed after dinner thinking of Tammy and I ruined it for everyone. Sunday we had a quiet day at Disneyland - it was a blackout weekend for SoCal passes and it was divine! Pretty much walked on to the rides. Nin and I actually made it to midnight. We credit the pot of Jasmine tea we had late afternoon at Carthay Circle lounge in the California park. If there was a way to not have to drive thru the Mojave Desert, we'd go to SoCal more often in the summer. But the heat of the trip is unrelenting, and the car A/C really can't keep up.

My brother built me a pond/waterfall in my yard, which I love, monsoon season is well under way, though the storms keep skirting past us, and I can't wait till Autumn! This weekend kinda disappeared amongst not being able to sleep properly, pain, and just general mehness. I'd hoped to write, but the desire/ability seemed to disappear with Tammy's death. I guess we'll see what the next few months bring. I feel bad as I had two WIPs going great guns, then screeching halt.

I'll try and post more often. I am reading here, just, you know, fishbowl.
 
 
ithildin
16 June 2014 @ 06:53 pm
Keeps Keeping On  
Took a bad fall Saturday, twisted my foot, smashed my knee up. I'll live. Hurts a lot though. In the end, it's just one more thing to deal with. Still catch myself seeing 'For Rent' signs and thinking 'that might work for Tammy'. Then I remember she's dead. I try not to cry if people are around. Pretty sure everyone's tired of me by now. Haven't written a word, and have absolutely no desire to write. There's just nothing there to put on the page. All I really want to do is sleep, but can't even manage that properly either. Pretty sure in the dictionary next to the word 'fail' is a picture of me.
 
 
ithildin
08 June 2014 @ 12:46 pm
Sparrow  
We buried her last night, with a sapling I bought on Friday as her marker. It's called a London Plane Tree and it's supposed to be a fast growing shade tree. If it makes it, and grows, I'll always have a visible memory of my Sparrow cat.

I feel bad that her last days were spent at the vet, and all those tests, and $500 later, there was nothing to be done. She died only a few hours after the final visit, Nin coming home with meds and special foods and fluids that we never had a chance to use. If I'd known, I would have let her spend her last days in peace at home.

I have layers of grief that just overlap each other. When I took Sparrow out of the carrier she loved as a bed, and laid her on a fleecy blanket she liked, I just laid next to her on the floor and cried. It all got mixed up with my grief in losing Tammy. Burying her last night, was also twined up with Tammy, the lack of closure, the unexpectedness of her death. I like to think Sparrow took my love to Tammy in heaven and that Tammy has her in her lap with all of her kitties.
 
 
Music Box: The Other Side of Sorrow ~Alasdair Fraser & Skyedance
 
 
ithildin
05 June 2014 @ 11:51 pm
What else?  
My beautiful baby cat, Sparrow, died tonight. I think I'm done. This less than a week is just too much. Waiting for the next shoe to drop.
 
 
ithildin
04 June 2014 @ 06:41 pm
Thank You  
Thank you, everyone who has left a comment, signed the guestbook, made a donation. It's meant so much to me to know Tammy was loved by so many. Maybe one day, I'll be able to write about her, share some of my memories of her, but right now, it just hurts too much. All I do is cry, and I can't really accept yet that she's gone. Tammy was like a sister to me, my mum considered her a third daughter, Tammy called her 'mum'. All of my family were eagerly making plans for her to join us here. I've contacted as many people as I could think of to let them know what happened, I've even written actual paper letters, I've sent photos of Tam for the PWFC con memorial a few weeks from now. Now that all of it is done, all that's left is to miss her.
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ithildin
02 June 2014 @ 06:53 pm
In loving memory of Tamatha Renee Williams  
Never did I imagine that I would ever have to write this, but my dear friend, Tammy aka Evil T/otterevil, passed away suddenly and unexpectedly April 22. I am heartsick at her loss and can't imagine my world without her. I don't know if I can type this out without falling apart again.

She had been in hospital due to a broken bone, and she couldn't get on living by herself so had been checked into hospital. I was in contact with her up to April 18th, when she told me she was being transferred to a rehabilitation facility the next Monday. I tried contacting her several times after and received no response. I was concerned, but didn't want to leap to conclusions, and I knew she'd been having financial difficulties, so thought maybe her cell had been shut off. I contacted Arduinna hoping she had heard from Tammy. On Friday, Arduinna emailed me with the horrible news: she'd found Tammy's obituary. The guestbook attached to the obituary had expired, so I renewed it for the year to see if I could discover any information on what had happened. One lady from her knitting circle had left a contact link, and I emailed her in hopes of learning something. She said that even locally, there was no posting of a funeral home, memorial, nothing. No closure.

Tammy's obituary is here, along with the guestbook. It would mean a great deal to me if those of you knew her would sign it. My hope is her young niece may come across it at some point and know her aunt was loved and a cherished friend.

Since nothing was done in memory of her, I'm collecting money to make an In Memoriam donation to Best Friends in her name. Tammy loved her kitties so much, and I know she'd like to help other cats in need in her name. If you make a donation, please let me know what name you'd like included on the Memorial Wall. And thank you.








It has been eighteen years since I met TamTam on FORKNI, 18 years of happy times and tragedies. From trips we took together, and fic we cowrote, to the death of her parents a year apart and her fight with cancer. Life had been a struggle these last several years, but it seemed things were turning around. Tammy had decided to sell up and move here to Utah to be closer to people who could look out for her and help her get her health back. I'd sent her area info and rental info, not knowing she was already gone. We were going to be little old lady spinsters, living in side by side cabins, with a cute gardener to watch from the porch together. But none of that will ever be. I hope she's at peace now, reunited with her parents, her struggles over.

I will miss you, dearest friend, more than you will ever know. I love you, TamTam. God keep your soul in his embrace.

strangle
Me and Tammy, 1997, Syndicon East PWFC Breakfast


ETA: Please see the comments for more on Tammy's final days. Thank you, Deb, for sharing this with us.
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Music Box: In the Arms of the Angels ~ Sarah McLachlan
 
 
ithildin
28 May 2014 @ 05:30 pm
'It's Been A Long, Long Time' (04/??)  
Title: It's Been A Long, Long Time ~ Chapter Four
Fandoms: Captain America/Marvel Movies, Highlander
Rating: PG13
Characters: Tony Stark, Methos, Bruce Banner/Hulk, Nick Fury, Natasha Romanoff, Steve Rogers, Maria Hill, Original Characters
Notes: This is set during the events of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, so spoilers abound!
Summary: Charlotte's capture and torture by the enemy during World War II is a nightmare from her past, but that nightmare is about to take form once again, very much in the present.
 
 
ithildin
24 May 2014 @ 02:30 pm
'At the Edge of Heaven (08/??)  
I've posted Part Eight - Admirable Qualities - of my Queen of Swords story At the Edge of Heaven to AO3
 
 
ithildin
22 May 2014 @ 03:04 pm
Deicsions, Decisions  
Trying to decide something for the fic I'm currently writing that involves the existence of Immortals. Care to share your two cents?

ETA: should have clarified that the story in question is my current WIP and part 60 odd of my current series. So my question is based on the background of past stories. Sorry I didn't make that clear.


Spoilers for CA II below. Read more... )
 
 
ithildin
21 May 2014 @ 07:09 pm
That Movie Meme  
Everyone should post their ten most CRUCIAL CRUCIAL CRUCIAL-ASS movies, like the movies that explain everything about yourselves in your current incarnations (not necessarily your ten favorite movies but the ten movies that you, as a person existing currently, feel would help people get to know you) (they can change later on obviously).

I keep thinking of doing this, but then over think it. Nin said just name off the top of my head, so will try that :D

1: Young Bess

2: Local Hero

3: Dangerous Beauty

4: The Ghost & Mrs. Muir

5: South Pacific

6: Akira Kurosawa's 'Dreams'

7: The original Star Wars trilogy

8: Camelot Force 10 From Navarone

9: Iron Man

10: Harvey

ETA: Honourable Mention: Carve Her Name With Pride

In no particular order, just as they came to me.
 
 
ithildin
19 May 2014 @ 06:37 pm
'It's Been A Long, Long Time' (03/??)  
Title: It's Been A Long, Long Time ~ Chapter Three
Fandoms: Captain America/Marvel Movies, Highlander
Rating: PG13
Characters: Tony Stark, Methos, Bruce Banner/Hulk, Nick Fury, Natasha Romanoff, Steve Rogers, Maria Hill, Charlotte Sparrow
Notes:This is set during the events of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, so spoilers abound!
Summary: Charlotte's capture and torture by the enemy during World War II is a nightmare from her past, but that nightmare is about to take form once again, very much in the present.
 
 
ithildin
13 May 2014 @ 05:53 pm
Thank You  
Thank you to everyone who commented on my last two posts. Your sympathy and caring really meant a lot to me. I was so down, that on Friday after work, I convinced Nin we needed to take a spontaneous trip somewhere. She agreed, and we ended up in Park City in a B&B with two wonderful dogs that were so happy and cheerful, you couldn't help but fall in love with them. And it snowed, so double plus!

Thanks again :)
 
 
ithildin
06 May 2014 @ 02:58 pm
Another 'I'm Sad' post  
Doesn't seem like there's any other type lately.

I can't even remember if I mentioned that another pregnant stray showed up on our doorstep. Anyway, three weeks ago, she had four kittens, all gingers like mum. Mamma had a long labour, and she didn't take the umbilical off of three of them, so me and Nin did that. And so everything's been fine since that first crisis, till lat night. There was an accident. I can't type out details or I'll cry again. We thought it was some bad cuts and maybe a sprained leg, so took him to the vet first thing. Turned out he had broken his back. We had to have put to sleep. He didn't even have a name yet. He was so very tiny.
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ithildin
30 April 2014 @ 06:01 pm
I has a sad....  
Came into work this morning to find all the fish in our saltwater tank dead. Except for the little male Nemo. My Dorie fish and my Tang were in the farthest corner on top of each other dead, like they'd been trying to escape. One of the critters in the tank died and poisoned the water. I feel terrible. I know they were just fish, but I've taken care of them for four years, and I was attached. The guy that takes are of the aquarium came over on an ER call and got out the dead fish, changed the water, and didn't hold out much hope for little Nemo. I kept going to the tank, hoping to see him swimming, but he'll probably die before morning :( I was already down because Sparrow, one of my older kitties, that came from California with us, is ailing. Just age, but she's declining. Hasn't been a good day.
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ithildin
28 April 2014 @ 07:05 pm
Seems...  
that I really would like to write Vikings fic with Methos and maybe a small helping of Loki (the Marvel one). Doesn't mean I'm going to, just that I've thought about it.
 
 
ithildin
21 April 2014 @ 06:06 pm
'It's Been A Long, Long Time' (02/??)  
Title: It's Been A Long, Long Time ~ Chapter Two
Fandoms: Captain America/Marvel Movies, Highlander
Rating: PG13
Characters: Tony Stark, Methos, Bruce Banner/Hulk, Nick Fury, Natasha Romanoff, Steve Rogers, Maria Hill, Charlotte Sparrow
Notes:This is set during the events of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, so spoilers abound!
Summary: Charlotte's capture and torture by the enemy during World War II is a nightmare from her past, but that nightmare is about to take form once again, very much in the present.
 
 
ithildin
18 April 2014 @ 05:57 pm
'It's Been A Long, Long Time' (01/??)  
Title: It's Been A Long, Long Time
Fandoms: Captain America/Marvel Movies, Highlander
Rating: PG13
Characters: Tony Stark, Methos, Bruce Banner/Hulk, Nick Fury, Natasha Romanoff, Steve Rogers, Maria Hill, Charlotte Sparrow
Notes:This is set during the events of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, so spoilers abound!
Summary: Charlotte's capture and torture by the enemy during World War II is a nightmare from her past, but that nightmare is about to take form once again, very much in the present.
 
 
ithildin
13 April 2014 @ 04:56 pm
Been writing  
900 words into my series take on Winter Soldier. Only thing is that Bruce and 'Kermit' want to be included, and I know so little about the Hulk, that I'm not sure I can incorporate him into a story with action/violence/mayhem. I don't know the 'rules', I guess.
 
 
ithildin
13 April 2014 @ 12:27 pm
Series End of HIMYM  
We finally saw this and.... Read more... )