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We buried her last night, with a sapling I bought on Friday as her marker. It's called a London Plane Tree and it's supposed to be a fast growing shade tree. If it makes it, and grows, I'll always have a visible memory of my Sparrow cat.
I feel bad that her last days were spent at the vet, and all those tests, and $500 later, there was nothing to be done. She died only a few hours after the final visit, Nin coming home with meds and special foods and fluids that we never had a chance to use. If I'd known, I would have let her spend her last days in peace at home.
I have layers of grief that just overlap each other. When I took Sparrow out of the carrier she loved as a bed, and laid her on a fleecy blanket she liked, I just laid next to her on the floor and cried. It all got mixed up with my grief in losing Tammy. Burying her last night, was also twined up with Tammy, the lack of closure, the unexpectedness of her death. I like to think Sparrow took my love to Tammy in heaven and that Tammy has her in her lap with all of her kitties.
I feel bad that her last days were spent at the vet, and all those tests, and $500 later, there was nothing to be done. She died only a few hours after the final visit, Nin coming home with meds and special foods and fluids that we never had a chance to use. If I'd known, I would have let her spend her last days in peace at home.
I have layers of grief that just overlap each other. When I took Sparrow out of the carrier she loved as a bed, and laid her on a fleecy blanket she liked, I just laid next to her on the floor and cried. It all got mixed up with my grief in losing Tammy. Burying her last night, was also twined up with Tammy, the lack of closure, the unexpectedness of her death. I like to think Sparrow took my love to Tammy in heaven and that Tammy has her in her lap with all of her kitties.
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Date: 2014-06-08 09:58 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2014-06-09 12:33 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2014-06-09 12:56 am (UTC)From:So sorry.
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Date: 2014-06-09 03:42 am (UTC)From:~
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Date: 2014-06-09 10:01 am (UTC)From:and i am so sorry she couldn't have her last days at home. i know it's horribly hard when nothing can be done. (my monkey boy went that way last august also after lots of tests.)
oh, i think you're right about sparrow taking your love to tammy. i can sense tammy so clearly agreeing with you.
if you feel comfortable doing so at some point in the future, i would love to see a picture of your sparrow cat. (and if you don't want to share that, i absolutely respect that, too.)
*vibes* *blessings*