A More Permanent Hell

As some of you were aware, my father had been nearly an invalid for several years, our lives revolving around him not being able to be left alone, planning vacations in shifts, not even all of us able to go out to dinner together, etc.. About six weeks ago, he ended up in hospital, from there to a rehab facility, and then 4 short days under hospice care. He died on Sunday.

I'm taking the next two days as bereavement leave from work, and as chance would have it, my vacation was already scheduled to start Monday. Good chance, I think having a week to spend with friends is probably exactly the best thing.

We buried her last night, with a sapling I bought on Friday as her marker. It's called a London Plane Tree and it's supposed to be a fast growing shade tree. If it makes it, and grows, I'll always have a visible memory of my Sparrow cat.

I feel bad that her last days were spent at the vet, and all those tests, and $500 later, there was nothing to be done. She died only a few hours after the final visit, Nin coming home with meds and special foods and fluids that we never had a chance to use. If I'd known, I would have let her spend her last days in peace at home.

I have layers of grief that just overlap each other. When I took Sparrow out of the carrier she loved as a bed, and laid her on a fleecy blanket she liked, I just laid next to her on the floor and cried. It all got mixed up with my grief in losing Tammy. Burying her last night, was also twined up with Tammy, the lack of closure, the unexpectedness of her death. I like to think Sparrow took my love to Tammy in heaven and that Tammy has her in her lap with all of her kitties.

Never did I imagine that I would ever have to write this, but my dear friend, Tammy aka Evil T/otterevil, passed away suddenly and unexpectedly April 22. I am heartsick at her loss and can't imagine my world without her. I don't know if I can type this out without falling apart again.

She had been in hospital due to a broken bone, and she couldn't get on living by herself so had been checked into hospital. I was in contact with her up to April 18th, when she told me she was being transferred to a rehabilitation facility the next Monday. I tried contacting her several times after and received no response. I was concerned, but didn't want to leap to conclusions, and I knew she'd been having financial difficulties, so thought maybe her cell had been shut off. I contacted Arduinna hoping she had heard from Tammy. On Friday, Arduinna emailed me with the horrible news: she'd found Tammy's obituary. The guestbook attached to the obituary had expired, so I renewed it for the year to see if I could discover any information on what had happened. One lady from her knitting circle had left a contact link, and I emailed her in hopes of learning something. She said that even locally, there was no posting of a funeral home, memorial, nothing. No closure.

Tammy's obituary is here, along with the guestbook. It would mean a great deal to me if those of you knew her would sign it. My hope is her young niece may come across it at some point and know her aunt was loved and a cherished friend.

Since nothing was done in memory of her, I'm collecting money to make an In Memoriam donation to Best Friends in her name. Tammy loved her kitties so much, and I know she'd like to help other cats in need in her name. If you make a donation, please let me know what name you'd like included on the Memorial Wall. And thank you.

It has been eighteen years since I met TamTam on FORKNI, 18 years of happy times and tragedies. From trips we took together, and fic we cowrote, to the death of her parents a year apart and her fight with cancer. Life had been a struggle these last several years, but it seemed things were turning around. Tammy had decided to sell up and move here to Utah to be closer to people who could look out for her and help her get her health back. I'd sent her area info and rental info, not knowing she was already gone. We were going to be little old lady spinsters, living in side by side cabins, with a cute gardener to watch from the porch together. But none of that will ever be. I hope she's at peace now, reunited with her parents, her struggles over.

I will miss you, dearest friend, more than you will ever know. I love you, TamTam. God keep your soul in his embrace.


Me and Tammy, 1997, Syndicon East PWFC Breakfast

ETA: Please see the comments for more on Tammy's final days. Thank you, Deb, for sharing this with us.

And months.

Ember died yesterday, of old age, but unexpectedly nonetheless. She'd been slowing down, having more breathing issues, and in the end, she climbed into mum's lap and died.

Ember was one of my first rescues, 15 odd years ago. It took nearly three weeks of patience before I could even touch her. Finally, I was able to grab her and bring her home. I'm going to miss her.

We lost Iona at the beginning of the month and now Ember at the end of it.

Thank you to everyone who left condolences and supportive thoughts. I really appreciate it. It's been a hard week on many levels, especially work, but your support and good thoughts have meant so much.

Been reading some of the articles about Larry Hagman, and you don't see married for sixty years very often, especially in Hollywood. What also stands out is that he, Linda Gray and Patrick Duffy really were best friends for 35 years. It wasn't just publicist 'friends'. They were both at his bedside when he died. And last, his son is my age, and he was a few years younger than my father. I'm that age now, where people your parents age are dying. The harsh reality of getting older. Not trying to be morbid, it's just something I've been thinking a lot about.

She was the same age as me, and I can remember the very first CD I ever bought in 1985,, to go with my new shiny CD player, was her first album, 'Whitney Houston'. What a beautiful voice she had. So very sad.

On winterhart's LJ, I just found out that Anne McCaffrey passed away:

Random House Books has also acknowledged the writer's death. A post now up at the publisher's site reads, "McCaffrey died at her home in Ireland on November 21st shortly after suffering a stroke."

The first SF book I ever read was 'Restoree', and the Pern books followed soon after - I wore out several paperback sets of the original trilogy. She had such an influence on me when I was a teenager; she was the doorway into a whole new world. I met her once at Norweson back in the 80s, and remember it vividly. She was so full of joy, and had a sparkle about her. She'll be missed.

On winterhart's LJ, I just found out that Anne McCaffrey passed away:

Random House Books has also acknowledged the writer's death. A post now up at the publisher's site reads, "McCaffrey died at her home in Ireland on November 21st shortly after suffering a stroke."

The first SF book I ever read was 'Restoree', and the Pern books followed soon after - I wore out several paperback sets of the original trilogy. She had such an influence on me when I was a teenager; she was the doorway into a whole new world. I met her once at Norweson back in the 80s, and remember it vividly. She was so full of joy, and had a sparkle about her. She'll be missed.