A More Permanent Hell

We buried her last night, with a sapling I bought on Friday as her marker. It's called a London Plane Tree and it's supposed to be a fast growing shade tree. If it makes it, and grows, I'll always have a visible memory of my Sparrow cat.

I feel bad that her last days were spent at the vet, and all those tests, and $500 later, there was nothing to be done. She died only a few hours after the final visit, Nin coming home with meds and special foods and fluids that we never had a chance to use. If I'd known, I would have let her spend her last days in peace at home.

I have layers of grief that just overlap each other. When I took Sparrow out of the carrier she loved as a bed, and laid her on a fleecy blanket she liked, I just laid next to her on the floor and cried. It all got mixed up with my grief in losing Tammy. Burying her last night, was also twined up with Tammy, the lack of closure, the unexpectedness of her death. I like to think Sparrow took my love to Tammy in heaven and that Tammy has her in her lap with all of her kitties.

Came into work this morning to find all the fish in our saltwater tank dead. Except for the little male Nemo. My Dorie fish and my Tang were in the farthest corner on top of each other dead, like they'd been trying to escape. One of the critters in the tank died and poisoned the water. I feel terrible. I know they were just fish, but I've taken care of them for four years, and I was attached. The guy that takes are of the aquarium came over on an ER call and got out the dead fish, changed the water, and didn't hold out much hope for little Nemo. I kept going to the tank, hoping to see him swimming, but he'll probably die before morning :( I was already down because Sparrow, one of my older kitties, that came from California with us, is ailing. Just age, but she's declining. Hasn't been a good day.

Daisy had a stroke over the new year, she'd been failing for a while, she was so old, over 16. We didn't know how we were gong to get her to the vet, she was so heavy. But bless him, the vet came to us this afternoon, so Daisy died in peace at home, and he took care of all the arrangements. Daisy, I think, either thought she was a big cat, or the cats were all tiny dogs. She used to try and clean them, and some of the cats actually liked it. Perhaps she'll haunt the house with her pals Wellington and Tuppence. I'm sure they're happy to be together again.

To everyone who left condolences for ember. I really appreciate it.

I was making dinner last night, and found myself looking for Iona. She was always there at my elbow, wanting to taste whatever was cooking, especially if it had smelly cheese. She was my cat, after all. Then I remembered she was gone, and would never be there to to sample my cooking ever again.

This has been a horrible week, and now, to make it even better, my little Iona, who has been fighting liver disease, took a turn for the worse. She was at the vet today, and he thinks we should consider putting her to sleep. I was just in petting her, she's so tired, she barely stirred. She's my little Scrap, and I'm hoping there's some chance she might turn around. When her mama had the litter, Marmalade was still a stray, and we couldn't catch her before she had the kittens. So when she started bringing them around, we set traps every night. Iona was the first one we caught, because FOOD!! She was already half feral, and she and her sisters lived under my bed for weeks before they would come out when I wasn't asleep. And now, at three, like her sisters, she can't get enough cuddles. Please think good thoughts for her.

Freya had her kittens this afternoon, five healthy little ones with all their toes. Mama is sleeping and taking all the pets we can give.

Which Islay has taken over.



The chair is very 'me' and I love it!!

Received this email via R, who we've been doing the TNR with, and who took Dyna (that's what the clinic named her) to Best Friends initially, after she was hit.

Dyna is officially a BF cat!! Accepted today and actually moved down to Happy Landings! She is doing wonderfully! Walking on both legs very well! Sometimes, she'll lose her balance and fall over, but she's improved immensly. She doesn't always put down her left foot correctly, so she is getting a little sore there, but nothing major. She is going to bathroom completely on her own, but just not yet making it to the litter box. But much much much improved! Happy dance, happy dance!